Turn off the lights!

Dear Editor –

I’ve always been interested in fashion, I like to dress up and apparently I’m a good-looking guy! I spend a lot of time making sure I look good, I like to run and I’m successful with the ladies. Up until now I’ve run a pretty carefree life. My only problem is that I have a small nose and even smaller ears, and wearing glasses is an absolute nightmare. I can cover my ears with my flowing locks but my nose is really noticeable. It hasn’t been that much of a bother for me, but recently light from Earth has been overbearing on my asteroid Apollo PT4. Going outside without sunglasses is now not an option. For most people that isn’t a problem at all, but I can’t wear any glasses at all so it’s more than just a nightmare!

I once tried to leave the house without any glasses, and I thought that I could go on a date and just squint, but I quickly realised that it was a bad idea. I wasn’t able to see anything. At the restaurant, instead of putting the fork in my mouth I put it up one of my nostrils, which meant I attracted even more unwanted attention to my snout.

The worst was still to come, however, as when I looked at my watch through my squinting eyes I misread the time and I thought it was the evening, so I asked her to come round to my place, but then it turned out that is was actually 9 in the morning and not 9 in the evening and she thought I was some sort of creep, but I’m not, really! Anyway, what can you do when it’s always shining so brightly that you can hardly see anything at all? If only I had a bigger nose!