Consumable waste?

Dear Editor –

We’re thinking about taking a trip to Earth, but we read in the Asteroid Daily that it’s very hard to get there due to the clouds of junk which cover the planet. We heard that Earth’s trash mafia has nowhere else to dump waste so it’s sending everything to other planets.

We’re very curious to learn about the lives of humans, their languages and customs. Do they drill caves out of the mountains of trash? I heard that they make pickled food from left-overs, and that they even like it, saying it’s healthy! Is this true?

Your dedicated reader.