What a stink!

Dear Editor –

This is my first-ever letter for you. I’m not a fan of writing to the media, but this time I simply don’t know what to do and who to turn to. For some time now my life has tuned into a complete nightmare. I live with my husband on planetoid 2020 QG, and for some time we’ve been in orbit close to Earth. When we got really close we sensed an amazingly bad smell. I’ve never felt anything like it before in my entire life. My husband, who is a scientist and archaeologist, quickly knew what the stench was. Apparently it’s the smell of burnt carbon. He reckons that the first residents of our galaxy also used such primitive methods to create energy. But that was thousands of years ago! Now that our planetoid is really close to Earth we can get rid of the foul odour coming from it – it’s in our hair, our clothes, in our food, and even in our morning coffee. We’ve had to resort to wearing gas masks in the fear that the stink will make us ill. Do you know of any methods to get the bad smell out of the curtains, clothes and hair? No products I’ve tried work at all. Is breathing in CO2 bad for your health? Please help!